I started a new job a week or two ago. I really like it. I am back to driving a forklift part of the time. I also get to go out and work off-site. The hours are the best I have had which has helped so much with getting to do more family things. Even the days that I am working there seems to be a way to get back for events and dinners.

There was an alert from your school today. It said there was a fight and a crowd gatherer around rather than listening to school employees and dispersing. I worried for you. I seem to get a lot of alerts from your school that cause worry. I hope you are ok.

Tonight your brother has band practice with the high school marching band. We are excited for him! Tomorrow he will play with the band at the football game! I was planning to make it a full on family night with pizza or something special, but he has to be there earlier than I am scheduled to be home from work. Hopefully they feed him before the game!

You are missed

every time i speak with

My atty it is well, “what about

Jackson?”

I often feel dismissed. I don’t know what to do.

Nothing has changed. I still and will always love you. i miss you immensely. i don’t know now how to move forward from here.

it will never change. i love you . i miss you. i want all good for you. i wish to be a part of it all.

you mean more to me than you will ever know.

i love you immensely

I have been doing a lot of thinking.

You are always in my thoughts. Especially when I am trying to figure out how to move forward. How do I do that with you? How do I…..

Well. There are so many thoughts.

My word. If only you knew.

If only I could tell you…..

I realized today that I need to focus more on the good.

You are good.

You are also not part of my active life per se

Don’t get me wrong; I mention you every chance I get to my attorney in hopes that you WILL be an active part of my life.

I also have to be aware of the truth of the moment; you are not in my life.

No matter how much I wish and hope for that to be different, it is what it is(as they say.)

So, I made a choice.

I will keep an eye on you from the distance that has been laid before us.

I AM HERE, though.

That WILL NOT change.

I will also make myself find all the good.

Whether it is that you ARE going to school or that it is your continued activity in band. Or any other things that I can think of like your continued relationships with your siblings.

And I will allow myself to be grateful for the good that is happening without you.

God. That has been hard.

But I must.

For me. For my husband. For so many that surround me. And for mostly your brothers and sister.

Even for you.

How horrible would it be for you to come back to a miserable mom that could not see any good in life?!?!?!!?

I love you.

I can not wait for the day, the actual moment, that we are together again.

Until then, I choose to see good in life. I hope you do too.

I miss you.

love always