Post 21

I have been doing a lot of thinking.

You are always in my thoughts. Especially when I am trying to figure out how to move forward. How do I do that with you? How do I…..

Well. There are so many thoughts.

My word. If only you knew.

If only I could tell you…..

I realized today that I need to focus more on the good.

You are good.

You are also not part of my active life per se

Don’t get me wrong; I mention you every chance I get to my attorney in hopes that you WILL be an active part of my life.

I also have to be aware of the truth of the moment; you are not in my life.

No matter how much I wish and hope for that to be different, it is what it is(as they say.)

So, I made a choice.

I will keep an eye on you from the distance that has been laid before us.

I AM HERE, though.

That WILL NOT change.

I will also make myself find all the good.

Whether it is that you ARE going to school or that it is your continued activity in band. Or any other things that I can think of like your continued relationships with your siblings.

And I will allow myself to be grateful for the good that is happening without you.

God. That has been hard.

But I must.

For me. For my husband. For so many that surround me. And for mostly your brothers and sister.

Even for you.

How horrible would it be for you to come back to a miserable mom that could not see any good in life?!?!?!!?

I love you.

I can not wait for the day, the actual moment, that we are together again.

Until then, I choose to see good in life. I hope you do too.

I miss you.

love always